this afternoon i picked up a large yellow envelope marked CONFIDENTIAL from my faculty mailbox. the return address indicated that it had been sent to me by the vice provost.
my faculty chair caught me as i was walking out of the office and remarked, motioning to the yet unopened envelope, that i was the first person to receive her teaching evaluations from last quarter.
"you did very well!" he said.
i was a little surprised since the letter said "confidential" and all, but it's logical that he--my boss--should also receive a copy of the evals.
usually, i wait until i'm in a room all by myself to open the envelope holding my teaching evaluations, but, since i'd already be pre-judged, i opened them as i was walking up the stairwell to my office.
he's right. i did well.
i'm always paranoid about evaluations, because inevitably there will be some student who will say that you are disorganized or that you talk too much or are an unfair grader or that you are a narcissist. (everyone gets those comments, right?).
these comments weren't bad. one students did remark that i say "ummmmmm" too much. hmph.
in any event, these evaluations come at a good time for me. i'm having a hard time teaching this quarter. it's a new class for me, and i have been feeling a bit like i'm floundering to make my most basic points. and i have yet to be able to fill an entire hour and a half time period (except for today, because, mercifully, i was able to show a film).
hopefully the ego boost will help. or, ummmmmmmm, maybe not.
@>-->>---
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Monday, January 15, 2007
i am rewarded for a fit of procrastination
this evening i have been obediently reading for class tomorrow, but must confess that i have taken frequent breaks. one of those breaks was to turn on the golden globe awards just within moments of américa ferrera accepting the award for best actress in a television comedy/musical.
honestly, i hadn't paid much attention to the golden globes this year. i hadn't even realized that américa had been nominated. but when i heard her name along with felicity huffman, julia louise dreyfuss, and a couple of other seasoned actresses, i just crossed my fingers and said a quick, "please, please please." and she won!
i'm thrilled for her. i think that she is a beautiful young woman and a talented actress. i love the roles that she has chosen, and i love that she is role model of intelligence and beauty for latinas and all young women within the realm of popular culture.
hooray for betty!
now back to work!
@>-->>---
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
afternoon drama
as a single woman, when choosing a place to live, i try to be careful. i ask around for neighborhoods that are "quiet" and "safe." i want to feel at ease in my neighborhood, in the place where i make my home, even if the rent is a little more expensive. i don't want to be a woman who feels she has to sleep with one eye open, so to speak.
i felt satisfied with my choice here in southern california. i felt like i had done sufficient research about this neighborhood, which is, conveniently, within two miles of where i work. i have felt at ease here by myself.
until this afternoon. i was stopped at the intersection before the turnoff into my apartment complex and noticed a police car tearing into my parking lot. since i was on my way home, i didn't have much of a choice but to follow him.
the police car and two other unmarked police vehicles were parked within 500 yards of my parking space. i saw one cop pull on his bullet proof vest and the other two hovering around the corner of one of the buildings in my complex. as i got out of my car and headed to my apartment--which was, thankfully, in the opposite direction--i turned around and noticed the officer with his hand on his holster, peering around the corner of the apartment.
i rushed into my apartment and deadbolted the door, curled up on my couch, and talked to joseph (we'd been talking on the phone throughout this whole ordeal). after a while, i ventured out onto my balcony and saw one of the police officers take his vest off, get in his SUV, and leave.
i let out a sigh of relief and returned to the comfort of my solitary and safe couch.
@>-->>---
i felt satisfied with my choice here in southern california. i felt like i had done sufficient research about this neighborhood, which is, conveniently, within two miles of where i work. i have felt at ease here by myself.
until this afternoon. i was stopped at the intersection before the turnoff into my apartment complex and noticed a police car tearing into my parking lot. since i was on my way home, i didn't have much of a choice but to follow him.
the police car and two other unmarked police vehicles were parked within 500 yards of my parking space. i saw one cop pull on his bullet proof vest and the other two hovering around the corner of one of the buildings in my complex. as i got out of my car and headed to my apartment--which was, thankfully, in the opposite direction--i turned around and noticed the officer with his hand on his holster, peering around the corner of the apartment.
i rushed into my apartment and deadbolted the door, curled up on my couch, and talked to joseph (we'd been talking on the phone throughout this whole ordeal). after a while, i ventured out onto my balcony and saw one of the police officers take his vest off, get in his SUV, and leave.
i let out a sigh of relief and returned to the comfort of my solitary and safe couch.
@>-->>---
Thursday, January 04, 2007
well-documented
i didn't really make any new year's resolutions this year. of course, along with the rest of america, i vowed to eat better and exercise more. i identified some other things that i have to do to move further along in my professional career, but i'm not sure if those are "resolutions," or just things that i have to do to keep my job!
a few weeks ago, i came across this blogsite. i'm not a photographer (my dad holds that honor in our family), but i do like to document events in my life. i've kept a journal religiously since i was sixteen years old. i've kept this blog--not as religiously--partially to document my thoughts over a period of time. project 365 seems like a natural extension of this instinct to document parts of my life. this time through pictures.
i am now obediently carrying my camera around wherever i go just in case a kodak moment presents itself. aside from my obvious limitations as a photographer, i have encountered two major problems. the first is that i find that i am shy to take pictures of people, in front of people, etc. the second problem is subject matter! what is photographically relevant? since i still don't have much of a social network here (read: very few friends), i find myself searching for inaminate objects to photograph. i wonder if that will become boring after a while. i wonder if it already is! but they are supposedly representative of some aspect of my life...
in any event, i've been posting pictures on flickr every day so far (only five days, i know!). it'll be interesting to see what pictures emerge over the next several weeks.
@>-->>---
a few weeks ago, i came across this blogsite. i'm not a photographer (my dad holds that honor in our family), but i do like to document events in my life. i've kept a journal religiously since i was sixteen years old. i've kept this blog--not as religiously--partially to document my thoughts over a period of time. project 365 seems like a natural extension of this instinct to document parts of my life. this time through pictures.
i am now obediently carrying my camera around wherever i go just in case a kodak moment presents itself. aside from my obvious limitations as a photographer, i have encountered two major problems. the first is that i find that i am shy to take pictures of people, in front of people, etc. the second problem is subject matter! what is photographically relevant? since i still don't have much of a social network here (read: very few friends), i find myself searching for inaminate objects to photograph. i wonder if that will become boring after a while. i wonder if it already is! but they are supposedly representative of some aspect of my life...
in any event, i've been posting pictures on flickr every day so far (only five days, i know!). it'll be interesting to see what pictures emerge over the next several weeks.
@>-->>---
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
new quarter
after a very restful and rejuvenating christmas break in bakersfield, today i found myself scrambling to prepare for the new quarter.
i suppose it's a good thing i didn't resolve not to procrastinate this year!
i'm nervous because i'll be teaching a new course this quarter. when i was at texas, i taught the same two courses over and over again. they were lower division courses that weren't necessarily the first choices for faculty members to teach. as a grad student and then as a lecturer, i was happy to teach them, and, after some time, i think that i got pretty good at teaching them. i had all my materials assembled, my lectures ready, all of which i updated as needed.
last quarter, my chair allowed me to teach one of the courses that i had taught so many times at texas. it was his way of helping me transition to my new university.
but now i find myself in the middle of something new. i'm excited to teach a different course, but i find that i'm not nearly as confident as i had been over the past few years. surely part of this nervousness stems from the fact that i'll have to write completely new lectures this quarter even as i gather new materials for instruction.
another, more familiar, part of my anxiety is becoming accustomed to a new group of students. i always worry that they'll be unfriendly, which seems like a silly worry, especially since i am, after all, their teacher. they should be worried that i'll be unfriendly, right?
in any event, tomorrow is the first day of school. wish me luck.
@>-->>---
i suppose it's a good thing i didn't resolve not to procrastinate this year!
i'm nervous because i'll be teaching a new course this quarter. when i was at texas, i taught the same two courses over and over again. they were lower division courses that weren't necessarily the first choices for faculty members to teach. as a grad student and then as a lecturer, i was happy to teach them, and, after some time, i think that i got pretty good at teaching them. i had all my materials assembled, my lectures ready, all of which i updated as needed.
last quarter, my chair allowed me to teach one of the courses that i had taught so many times at texas. it was his way of helping me transition to my new university.
but now i find myself in the middle of something new. i'm excited to teach a different course, but i find that i'm not nearly as confident as i had been over the past few years. surely part of this nervousness stems from the fact that i'll have to write completely new lectures this quarter even as i gather new materials for instruction.
another, more familiar, part of my anxiety is becoming accustomed to a new group of students. i always worry that they'll be unfriendly, which seems like a silly worry, especially since i am, after all, their teacher. they should be worried that i'll be unfriendly, right?
in any event, tomorrow is the first day of school. wish me luck.
@>-->>---
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
drive
i took an old drive last weekend. that is, i took a drive that i used to make several times a year during a certain period of my life. east on seventh standard to the I-5; north on the five one hundred and seventy miles; west on the 152 through the mountains; north on the 101 all the way to the bay.
that was my route to and from the bay area from 1993-1999. i knew those roads like the back of my hand--every truck stop, patches of agriculture, every mountain pass, reservoir, traffic spots, etc. i used to make mix tapes that would fill the hours of my trip. i used to arrive at my destination hoarse from singing the entire way.
i used to enjoy those drives, the time that it gave me to think.
i stopped driving those kinds of long distances once i moved to texas. i didn't have family that i would drive to visit. there were trips to the valley, but those were few and far between. most of my traveling was by plane. the brief and halting flights and layovers from austin to bakersfield never held the same rhythm or inspired the same kind of meditation as my long drives. it probably has something to do with seeing the landscape, now that i think about it.
in any event, i found myself making a long drive last weekend. i had forgotten how tiring it can be in the car, how your eyes grow weary, your shoulders stiffen, and your lower back begins to ache. then there is the helplessness you feel when traffic comes to a halt on the interstate because of an accident.
nevertheless, i found myself enjoying the drive. my mix tapes have yielded to a car adapter for my ipod, and now i can chat on my cell phone with joseph, but much of the experience is the same. there are the almond groves i remember on seventh standard; the seemingly miles and miles of cattle at harris ranch; the reservoir off of the 152; the old farm houses and farms along the way.
these are some of the things that i enjoy about being back in california--the land and the memories that it elicits. these are some of the things that i enjoy about being back home.
@>-->>---
that was my route to and from the bay area from 1993-1999. i knew those roads like the back of my hand--every truck stop, patches of agriculture, every mountain pass, reservoir, traffic spots, etc. i used to make mix tapes that would fill the hours of my trip. i used to arrive at my destination hoarse from singing the entire way.
i used to enjoy those drives, the time that it gave me to think.
i stopped driving those kinds of long distances once i moved to texas. i didn't have family that i would drive to visit. there were trips to the valley, but those were few and far between. most of my traveling was by plane. the brief and halting flights and layovers from austin to bakersfield never held the same rhythm or inspired the same kind of meditation as my long drives. it probably has something to do with seeing the landscape, now that i think about it.
in any event, i found myself making a long drive last weekend. i had forgotten how tiring it can be in the car, how your eyes grow weary, your shoulders stiffen, and your lower back begins to ache. then there is the helplessness you feel when traffic comes to a halt on the interstate because of an accident.
nevertheless, i found myself enjoying the drive. my mix tapes have yielded to a car adapter for my ipod, and now i can chat on my cell phone with joseph, but much of the experience is the same. there are the almond groves i remember on seventh standard; the seemingly miles and miles of cattle at harris ranch; the reservoir off of the 152; the old farm houses and farms along the way.
these are some of the things that i enjoy about being back in california--the land and the memories that it elicits. these are some of the things that i enjoy about being back home.
@>-->>---
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
forbidden fruit
one of the nice things about my university is that there are citrus trees all over campus. most of them are identifiably oranges or grapefruits, but some of them, unidentified.
saturday afternoon, i enlisted joseph--who was visiting for the weekend--to haul some boxes of books to my office. (yes, i do know how to exploit my boyfriend). on our way out, i noticed that the oranges on the tree behind my office building had ripened to a deep orange color. i didn't even think about it, just reached out and plucked the fruit off the tree.
i offered it to joseph, telling him that it was probably de-licious, being fresh from the tree and all. he questioned a) whether it had been legal for me to pick it, and b) whether or not it would be suitable for consumption.
i decided to keep the orange for myself and packed him a trader joe's orange when he left for the airport the next day. i ate the orange later in the afternoon. it was pretty good, but not the best orange i've ever had.
anyhow, yesterday i participated in a tour of campus for new faculty. our tour guide made a special point to highlight all the citrus trees around campus, telling us that, prior to the 1950s, the university was a citrus experiment station. she informed us that the university still performs such operations, and that all of the trees on campus are filled with "experimental" fruit. furthermore, the university apparently fines people hundreds of dollars for picking its fruit!
i'm thinking that a) it's a good thing nobody saw me, and b) it's a good thing i haven't (thus far) experienced any side effects from the experimental fruit!
in any event, i can't help but think it interesting that all of a sudden i find myself to be a woman who has partaken of forbidden fruit. ;)
@>-->>---
saturday afternoon, i enlisted joseph--who was visiting for the weekend--to haul some boxes of books to my office. (yes, i do know how to exploit my boyfriend). on our way out, i noticed that the oranges on the tree behind my office building had ripened to a deep orange color. i didn't even think about it, just reached out and plucked the fruit off the tree.
i offered it to joseph, telling him that it was probably de-licious, being fresh from the tree and all. he questioned a) whether it had been legal for me to pick it, and b) whether or not it would be suitable for consumption.
i decided to keep the orange for myself and packed him a trader joe's orange when he left for the airport the next day. i ate the orange later in the afternoon. it was pretty good, but not the best orange i've ever had.
anyhow, yesterday i participated in a tour of campus for new faculty. our tour guide made a special point to highlight all the citrus trees around campus, telling us that, prior to the 1950s, the university was a citrus experiment station. she informed us that the university still performs such operations, and that all of the trees on campus are filled with "experimental" fruit. furthermore, the university apparently fines people hundreds of dollars for picking its fruit!
i'm thinking that a) it's a good thing nobody saw me, and b) it's a good thing i haven't (thus far) experienced any side effects from the experimental fruit!
in any event, i can't help but think it interesting that all of a sudden i find myself to be a woman who has partaken of forbidden fruit. ;)
@>-->>---
Friday, December 08, 2006
bare feet
i stole this video idea from la xicanista.
THIS is the shakira whose songs i sang at the top of my lungs during my drives from stanford to bakersfield and back during the mid-1990s. before her cross over.
notice that her hair is long. and straight. and black. and she's fully clothed.
i have always loved this song. my favorite line is
i still haven't crossed over. ;)
@>-->>---
THIS is the shakira whose songs i sang at the top of my lungs during my drives from stanford to bakersfield and back during the mid-1990s. before her cross over.
notice that her hair is long. and straight. and black. and she's fully clothed.
i have always loved this song. my favorite line is
las mujeres se casan siempre antes de treinta, si no vestirán santos aunque así no lo quieran.ten years ago, who could have predicted that i would be an unmarried mujer de treinta (y uno)?
i still haven't crossed over. ;)
@>-->>---
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
'tis the season
it always amazes me that just as thanksgiving weekend slips by, christmas suddenly appears.
though winter is somewhat of a fiction in southern california, i returned to find christmas lights and trees and wreaths decking every corner. it's nice that christmas is finally settling in to town. the past few weeks as the sun sets earlier and earlier, and the day hours become darker, i've felt considerably less productive. i've just wanted to come straight home from the office, put on my sweats, make a hot dinner, and cozy up on the couch to talk to joseph or watch primetime (he knows which shows not to interrupt!).
nevertheless, though i had imagined the quarter coming to a quiet winter end, it seems to be becoming more frantic. the last two weeks of the quarter are, apparently, when committees convene for one last meeting and all the departments and centers decide to host holiday potlucks (why doesn't anybody cater?). my schedule is more full now than it has been during most of the quarter.
but it's just a matter of getting through all of the last minute frenzy. soon the quarter will be over, and the students will depart. i will submit my grades and make my own northern departure. i'll have some work to do--planning next quarter's class, working on an article revision--but i hope to spend a lot of time with my family and friends. much more than festive decorations, meetings, or potlucks, that time is what makes christmas matter for me.
@>-->>---
though winter is somewhat of a fiction in southern california, i returned to find christmas lights and trees and wreaths decking every corner. it's nice that christmas is finally settling in to town. the past few weeks as the sun sets earlier and earlier, and the day hours become darker, i've felt considerably less productive. i've just wanted to come straight home from the office, put on my sweats, make a hot dinner, and cozy up on the couch to talk to joseph or watch primetime (he knows which shows not to interrupt!).
nevertheless, though i had imagined the quarter coming to a quiet winter end, it seems to be becoming more frantic. the last two weeks of the quarter are, apparently, when committees convene for one last meeting and all the departments and centers decide to host holiday potlucks (why doesn't anybody cater?). my schedule is more full now than it has been during most of the quarter.
but it's just a matter of getting through all of the last minute frenzy. soon the quarter will be over, and the students will depart. i will submit my grades and make my own northern departure. i'll have some work to do--planning next quarter's class, working on an article revision--but i hope to spend a lot of time with my family and friends. much more than festive decorations, meetings, or potlucks, that time is what makes christmas matter for me.
@>-->>---
Monday, November 27, 2006
hope for future ph.d.s
joseph sent this article to me this morning.
i enjoyed this piece, because the author addresses the following misconceptions about ph.d.s:
i have to admit that i had resigned myself to the truth of some of these myths, telling myself that the degree was worth the underemployment risk because a) i love to teach, b) i enjoy my research, and c) i like the flexibility of a professor's schedule.
in fact, the biggest misconception that the author addresses is that ph.d.s are hard pressed to find a job. however, according to the article, it might be better to say that it is a challenge to find a job in the academy. there are other job prospects for ph.d.s in industry (e.g., consulting, nonprofit work, research) that, in fact, pay higher salaries than their university employer counterparts.
although i feel incredibly lucky to have my tenure track job, this article makes me feel as if it wouldn't have been the end of the world had i been forced to work outside of the academy. and just in case, in seven years, if i'm not granted tenure, maybe i'll end up with a pay raise. ;)
@>-->>---
i enjoyed this piece, because the author addresses the following misconceptions about ph.d.s:
* Ph.D.s are unemployed and can't get jobs.
* Ph.D.s are chronically underpaid.
* There are far more Ph.D.s out there than faculty jobs for them.
* The Ph.D. degree is so specialized that you can't get any other kind of job.
* It costs a fortune to get a Ph.D.
* It takes forever to get a Ph.D.
i have to admit that i had resigned myself to the truth of some of these myths, telling myself that the degree was worth the underemployment risk because a) i love to teach, b) i enjoy my research, and c) i like the flexibility of a professor's schedule.
in fact, the biggest misconception that the author addresses is that ph.d.s are hard pressed to find a job. however, according to the article, it might be better to say that it is a challenge to find a job in the academy. there are other job prospects for ph.d.s in industry (e.g., consulting, nonprofit work, research) that, in fact, pay higher salaries than their university employer counterparts.
although i feel incredibly lucky to have my tenure track job, this article makes me feel as if it wouldn't have been the end of the world had i been forced to work outside of the academy. and just in case, in seven years, if i'm not granted tenure, maybe i'll end up with a pay raise. ;)
@>-->>---
Monday, November 20, 2006
weekend frenzy
the san jose airport seems as if it has grown out of its allotted space.
the security lines are one long snake. the terminals are couched with mini-restaurants on one side and rows of grey seats on the other, providing only the most essential three foot space to maneuver carry on luggage to the appropriate terminal.
the afternoon sun shines blindingly through the terminal windows. the flight is delayed.
every year i go to this anthropology meeting, knowing that it is what i should do; it's a professional obligation. but i never feel as if anyone notices whether or not i'm there. thousands of anthropologists descend upon the conference city, the conference site. i would say that the presence of most people goes unnoticed, unless, of course, you are an academic superstar.
in recent years, i had been on the job market, which, let me say, made the anthropology meetings much less fun. as a job seeker i had to be on my best behavior and in my best clothes, trying seem intelligent and self-assured when i felt nothing of the sort.
this year was actually quite nice. in terms of professional development, i was able to spend some time with one of my favorite UC anthropologists. i admire his work (and his attitude toward academia) so much. it's still difficult for me to imagine that now we're actually friends/colleagues. i was invited to present on a really great panel this year. there were a couple of "superstars" on the panel (not me; clearly, i'm still a "junior scholar"), and so it was pretty well attended. it was exciting to be in the middle of such a panel. and it seemed that the audience was very engaged, asked a lot of interested/interesting questions.
the other nice aspect of the weekend was that i was able to spend some time with old friends. obviously, there was a good showing of texas anthropologists; the annual anthropology conference functions, in part, as a class/departmental reunion. also, because this year's conference was in the bay area, i was able to spend some time with a couple of old college friends and then the weekend with my sister and her new husband.
the fact that i was able to squeeze in some cumbia dancing inbetween all of that was like the cherry on top. ;)
at the san jose airport, i know that my weekend has come to an end.
southwest does its cattle call--members of groups A, B, C all file into whatever available seats they can find. i settle into an empty seat between two women. we don't attempt conversation. just spend the 45 minute flight reading and writing. before i know it we have started our descent into ontario.
i read somewhere once that the sunsets in heavily polluted areas are beautiful because of the way the pollution filters the waning light. i remember this tidbit of information as i look out the window and see a ribbon of burgundy at the hoizon, pumpkin shades of orange above that, pale yellows, and then the slightest hint of green before the blue of twilight.
the plane touches down y me persigno, grateful for my safe arrival.
@>-->>---
the security lines are one long snake. the terminals are couched with mini-restaurants on one side and rows of grey seats on the other, providing only the most essential three foot space to maneuver carry on luggage to the appropriate terminal.
the afternoon sun shines blindingly through the terminal windows. the flight is delayed.
every year i go to this anthropology meeting, knowing that it is what i should do; it's a professional obligation. but i never feel as if anyone notices whether or not i'm there. thousands of anthropologists descend upon the conference city, the conference site. i would say that the presence of most people goes unnoticed, unless, of course, you are an academic superstar.
in recent years, i had been on the job market, which, let me say, made the anthropology meetings much less fun. as a job seeker i had to be on my best behavior and in my best clothes, trying seem intelligent and self-assured when i felt nothing of the sort.
this year was actually quite nice. in terms of professional development, i was able to spend some time with one of my favorite UC anthropologists. i admire his work (and his attitude toward academia) so much. it's still difficult for me to imagine that now we're actually friends/colleagues. i was invited to present on a really great panel this year. there were a couple of "superstars" on the panel (not me; clearly, i'm still a "junior scholar"), and so it was pretty well attended. it was exciting to be in the middle of such a panel. and it seemed that the audience was very engaged, asked a lot of interested/interesting questions.
the other nice aspect of the weekend was that i was able to spend some time with old friends. obviously, there was a good showing of texas anthropologists; the annual anthropology conference functions, in part, as a class/departmental reunion. also, because this year's conference was in the bay area, i was able to spend some time with a couple of old college friends and then the weekend with my sister and her new husband.
the fact that i was able to squeeze in some cumbia dancing inbetween all of that was like the cherry on top. ;)
at the san jose airport, i know that my weekend has come to an end.
southwest does its cattle call--members of groups A, B, C all file into whatever available seats they can find. i settle into an empty seat between two women. we don't attempt conversation. just spend the 45 minute flight reading and writing. before i know it we have started our descent into ontario.
i read somewhere once that the sunsets in heavily polluted areas are beautiful because of the way the pollution filters the waning light. i remember this tidbit of information as i look out the window and see a ribbon of burgundy at the hoizon, pumpkin shades of orange above that, pale yellows, and then the slightest hint of green before the blue of twilight.
the plane touches down y me persigno, grateful for my safe arrival.
@>-->>---
Sunday, November 19, 2006
neither here nor there
this is interesting...
i guess i'm more texan than californian?
@>-->>---
You're totally like 58% California!
Hmmm... you have some definite memories of this place... maybe you were born here but moved away as a child. Or you live in Fontana. Whatever. Come back someday!
How California are You?
i guess i'm more texan than californian?
@>-->>---
tejana?
i'm actually a little embarrassed that i didn't score higher on this test.
my girlfriends, olga and laura, both scored more texan than i did! i'm not worthy of their tejana company. :(
and let's not mention it to my sixth generation texan boyfriend!
@>-->>---
You are 80% REAL Texan!!
You're way more Texan than average. You're parents were probably from here too. We're glad to have you. You probably go to the border for Christmas shopping and are well versed in BBQ, Mexican Food and .. well thats pretty much it.
How Texan Are You?
my girlfriends, olga and laura, both scored more texan than i did! i'm not worthy of their tejana company. :(
and let's not mention it to my sixth generation texan boyfriend!
@>-->>---
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
november falling
november is typically my favorite month. i enjoy the fall, even though i've always lived in places where autumn feels more like "summer light."
if i'm very honest, i think that i enjoy november because it's my birthday month. who doesn't enjoy their own personal holiday? even if it does mean another candle on the birthday cake (or, in my case, birthday torte).
but this year it's all gone by too quickly. i spent the days leading up to my birthday doing a "best of," whirlwind tour of austin with my friends while also writing a conference paper.
ten days later (today), i find myself preparing for another departure. same conference paper, different conference. this one in san jose.
i'll come back sunday and then fly to san jose AGAIN on wednesday so that i can spend thanksgiving with my family in northern california this year.
then the fall is over. and there will be two weeks left of classes, and, all of a sudden, my first quarter as a professor will have ended.
that was quick! just blink, and it's passed. kind of makes me nervous for the other things that might be passing me by!
@>-->>---
if i'm very honest, i think that i enjoy november because it's my birthday month. who doesn't enjoy their own personal holiday? even if it does mean another candle on the birthday cake (or, in my case, birthday torte).
but this year it's all gone by too quickly. i spent the days leading up to my birthday doing a "best of," whirlwind tour of austin with my friends while also writing a conference paper.
ten days later (today), i find myself preparing for another departure. same conference paper, different conference. this one in san jose.
i'll come back sunday and then fly to san jose AGAIN on wednesday so that i can spend thanksgiving with my family in northern california this year.
then the fall is over. and there will be two weeks left of classes, and, all of a sudden, my first quarter as a professor will have ended.
that was quick! just blink, and it's passed. kind of makes me nervous for the other things that might be passing me by!
@>-->>---
Sunday, November 05, 2006
hiatus and a new home
the problem with taking a long blog hiatus is that, when it comes time to post again, you hardly know where to begin.
well. first things first. i moved to a new city. i now live in one of the less glamorous parts of california. sometimes, it's beautiful. the town is nestled on the cusp of the desert and the edge of the mountains; the landscape is much more striking than what i'd experienced in texas. but some days the smog is so thick, you can't even see the mountains. and you feel a little nervous that you are breathing the same brown air you see at the horizon. and then there are times that you feel like you might be sitting for days in traffic. but that's just southern california, i suppose.
second. i started a new job. sometime during the first or second week of the quarter, i was walking from my office to my class. i could hear the click clack of my heels on the floor; i had my lecture notes and my books in my over-the-shoulder black bag. the students around me--all young, dressed in slouchy clothes and flip flops--were filing into their buildings, their classrooms. and all of a sudden it hit me: i'm a professor!
i have those occasional surges of happiness when i realize that, after all these years of studying, i'm doing what i always wanted to do. there are also moments of anxiety when people talk to me about publications and university service and tenure. but mostly, i've been able to take the job in stride.
i miss my friends in austin. and i miss austin. but everyone assures me that i'm in an adjustment period. that it's just a matter of time before this feels like home, too.
@>-->>---
well. first things first. i moved to a new city. i now live in one of the less glamorous parts of california. sometimes, it's beautiful. the town is nestled on the cusp of the desert and the edge of the mountains; the landscape is much more striking than what i'd experienced in texas. but some days the smog is so thick, you can't even see the mountains. and you feel a little nervous that you are breathing the same brown air you see at the horizon. and then there are times that you feel like you might be sitting for days in traffic. but that's just southern california, i suppose.
second. i started a new job. sometime during the first or second week of the quarter, i was walking from my office to my class. i could hear the click clack of my heels on the floor; i had my lecture notes and my books in my over-the-shoulder black bag. the students around me--all young, dressed in slouchy clothes and flip flops--were filing into their buildings, their classrooms. and all of a sudden it hit me: i'm a professor!
i have those occasional surges of happiness when i realize that, after all these years of studying, i'm doing what i always wanted to do. there are also moments of anxiety when people talk to me about publications and university service and tenure. but mostly, i've been able to take the job in stride.
i miss my friends in austin. and i miss austin. but everyone assures me that i'm in an adjustment period. that it's just a matter of time before this feels like home, too.
@>-->>---
Sunday, October 29, 2006
48 Things You Could Care Less About
i've been shamed into writing and tagged with this meme. i know that this isn't a "real" blog post. but it's a little something. i'll write something substantial soon.
+++
1. FIRST NAME? Jennifer
2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? I believe that I was named after Jennifer O'Neill, a model/actress who was famous in the 70s.
3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? wednesday morning.
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? yes, unless i'm writing in a hurry.
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? turkey.
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? i think so. but i might get on my nerves from time to time. ;)
7. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? yes. i have kept a journal consistently since 1991. it takes me 3-6 months to finish one, so I have roughly 45 of them in storage between bakersfield and my new apartment!
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? yes.
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? not even if you paid me.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? honey bunches of oats with almonds. yum.
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? no
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? yes
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? it really depends on my mood. sometimes a thick, gooey chocolate (like ben and jerry's fudge brownie); other times a nice light servng of strawberries with vanilla ice cream from blue bell hits the spot.
14. SHOE SIZE? seven
5. RED OR PINK? red
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? i overanalyze things.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? I'd say my boyfriend, but we talk on the phone all the time and have managed to see each other once a month since I moved to California. So instead I'm going to say my friends from Austin.
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? nah
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS, SHIRT AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? blue flannel pajama pants with purple and white snowflakes. purple sweatshirt. light brown slippers with fuzzy insides. (very stylish, i know)
20. LAST THING YOU ATE? flavored rice cakes.
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? lila downs' "border" album.
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? the closest crayon color to ocean blue (not necessarily aqua).
23. FAVORITE SMELL? roses
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? joseph
25. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? face, probably specifically his eyes. then if he's smart. ;)
26. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON you stole THIS from? i honestly say that Olga is one of the coolest kids i know.
27. FAVORITE DRINK? i'll give a shout out to olga's boyfriend, bill, here. i love the dessert cocktail he makes at Fino. it has espresso, Godiva chocolate liqueur, vanilla infused cognac, a touch of cream, and a hint of orange.
28. FAVORITE SPORT? probably basketball. i like to watch the playoffs. go spurs!
29. EYE COLOR? very dark brown.
30. HAT SIZE? this is an embarrassing question. my head is typically too big for most hats. :(
31. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? nope.
32. FAVORITE FOOD? i love indian food. but i also love my mom's lasagna. yum.
33. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? i can't bear to watch scary movies. happy endings all the way.
35. SUMMER OR WINTER? summer? i don't know. i like spring!
36. HUGS OR KISSES? hugs.
37. FAVORITE DESSERT? my sister's homemade apple pie. to borrow a phrase from my boyfriend, it is "greatness."
38. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? i think Laura should respond, because she is bound to want a break from postdoc-ing.
39. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? ???
40. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? just stuff for school. chicana without apology by edén torres. next week it will be a reader in latina feminist theology.
41. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE Pad? no mousepad. but if i had one, i'd want this one:
42. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? i didn't watch TV last night. i hung out with my family and talked to my boyfriend on the phone.
43. FAVORITE SOUNDS? soft rain (not storms), female mariachi singers who can belt it out, the violin, family/friends' laughter.
44. ROLLING STONE OR BEATLES? beatles
45. THE FURTHEST YOU'VE BEEN FROM HOME? rome
46. WHAT'S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? my fingers are double jointed
47. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? bakersfield, CA.
48. WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? olga lydia
+++
1. FIRST NAME? Jennifer
2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? I believe that I was named after Jennifer O'Neill, a model/actress who was famous in the 70s.
3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? wednesday morning.
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? yes, unless i'm writing in a hurry.
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? turkey.
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? i think so. but i might get on my nerves from time to time. ;)
7. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? yes. i have kept a journal consistently since 1991. it takes me 3-6 months to finish one, so I have roughly 45 of them in storage between bakersfield and my new apartment!
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? yes.
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? not even if you paid me.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? honey bunches of oats with almonds. yum.
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? no
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? yes
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? it really depends on my mood. sometimes a thick, gooey chocolate (like ben and jerry's fudge brownie); other times a nice light servng of strawberries with vanilla ice cream from blue bell hits the spot.
14. SHOE SIZE? seven
5. RED OR PINK? red
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? i overanalyze things.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? I'd say my boyfriend, but we talk on the phone all the time and have managed to see each other once a month since I moved to California. So instead I'm going to say my friends from Austin.
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? nah
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS, SHIRT AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? blue flannel pajama pants with purple and white snowflakes. purple sweatshirt. light brown slippers with fuzzy insides. (very stylish, i know)
20. LAST THING YOU ATE? flavored rice cakes.
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? lila downs' "border" album.
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? the closest crayon color to ocean blue (not necessarily aqua).
23. FAVORITE SMELL? roses
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? joseph
25. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? face, probably specifically his eyes. then if he's smart. ;)
26. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON you stole THIS from? i honestly say that Olga is one of the coolest kids i know.
27. FAVORITE DRINK? i'll give a shout out to olga's boyfriend, bill, here. i love the dessert cocktail he makes at Fino. it has espresso, Godiva chocolate liqueur, vanilla infused cognac, a touch of cream, and a hint of orange.
28. FAVORITE SPORT? probably basketball. i like to watch the playoffs. go spurs!
29. EYE COLOR? very dark brown.
30. HAT SIZE? this is an embarrassing question. my head is typically too big for most hats. :(
31. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? nope.
32. FAVORITE FOOD? i love indian food. but i also love my mom's lasagna. yum.
33. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? i can't bear to watch scary movies. happy endings all the way.
35. SUMMER OR WINTER? summer? i don't know. i like spring!
36. HUGS OR KISSES? hugs.
37. FAVORITE DESSERT? my sister's homemade apple pie. to borrow a phrase from my boyfriend, it is "greatness."
38. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? i think Laura should respond, because she is bound to want a break from postdoc-ing.
39. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? ???
40. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? just stuff for school. chicana without apology by edén torres. next week it will be a reader in latina feminist theology.
41. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE Pad? no mousepad. but if i had one, i'd want this one:
42. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? i didn't watch TV last night. i hung out with my family and talked to my boyfriend on the phone.
43. FAVORITE SOUNDS? soft rain (not storms), female mariachi singers who can belt it out, the violin, family/friends' laughter.
44. ROLLING STONE OR BEATLES? beatles
45. THE FURTHEST YOU'VE BEEN FROM HOME? rome
46. WHAT'S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? my fingers are double jointed
47. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? bakersfield, CA.
48. WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? olga lydia
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Book Meme
Olga tagged me with this meme last week.
1. One book that changed your life: The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros. i was 17 years old when a crush recommended this book to me. though i considered myself a voracious reader at that age, i had never read anything written by a mexican american. after this book, i started to seek out other chicano/a literature. also, as a nascent feminist, this book provided the basis for my first college term paper--elements of feminism in the house on mango street. ;)
2. One book that you've read more than once: Loving Pedro Infante by Denise Chavez. i LOVE this book. it makes me laugh and cry every time i read it, but i think that, more than anything, i love the feeling of redemption at the end of the novel.
3. One book you'd want on a desert island: probably some poetry anthology.
4. One book that made you laugh: Drink Cultura by Tony Burciaga. i read this book bit by bit at the stanford bookstore when i was an undergrad. his writing is not only witty, but also culturally astute.
5. One book that made you cry: The Chin Kiss King by Ana Veciana Suarez. i read this book years ago and don't remember many of the details, just that it was about the relationships between mothers and daughters. i remember that i was sobbing as i turned the last pages.
6. One book you wish had been written: A Mexican American version of Interpreter of Maladies. does anyone know of a book that illustrates the various experiences of culture, class, and transnationalism of mexicans/chicanos in america?
7. One book you wish had never been written: Who Cut the Cheese?: A Cultural History of the Fart by Jim Dawson. i saw this on display by the registers at Half Price Books in texas. why???
8. One book you're currently reading: just finished On Beauty by Zadie Smith.
9. One book you've been meaning to read: mostly school books, Chicana Without Apology and Chicana Feminisms are next on the list (because I have to teach them this quarter!)
10. Six people to tag: Kelly, Vanessa, Joel, Lo, HP, and Cincy . i'd love to know what all of you are reading. :)
@>-->>---
1. One book that changed your life: The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros. i was 17 years old when a crush recommended this book to me. though i considered myself a voracious reader at that age, i had never read anything written by a mexican american. after this book, i started to seek out other chicano/a literature. also, as a nascent feminist, this book provided the basis for my first college term paper--elements of feminism in the house on mango street. ;)
2. One book that you've read more than once: Loving Pedro Infante by Denise Chavez. i LOVE this book. it makes me laugh and cry every time i read it, but i think that, more than anything, i love the feeling of redemption at the end of the novel.
3. One book you'd want on a desert island: probably some poetry anthology.
4. One book that made you laugh: Drink Cultura by Tony Burciaga. i read this book bit by bit at the stanford bookstore when i was an undergrad. his writing is not only witty, but also culturally astute.
5. One book that made you cry: The Chin Kiss King by Ana Veciana Suarez. i read this book years ago and don't remember many of the details, just that it was about the relationships between mothers and daughters. i remember that i was sobbing as i turned the last pages.
6. One book you wish had been written: A Mexican American version of Interpreter of Maladies. does anyone know of a book that illustrates the various experiences of culture, class, and transnationalism of mexicans/chicanos in america?
7. One book you wish had never been written: Who Cut the Cheese?: A Cultural History of the Fart by Jim Dawson. i saw this on display by the registers at Half Price Books in texas. why???
8. One book you're currently reading: just finished On Beauty by Zadie Smith.
9. One book you've been meaning to read: mostly school books, Chicana Without Apology and Chicana Feminisms are next on the list (because I have to teach them this quarter!)
10. Six people to tag: Kelly, Vanessa, Joel, Lo, HP, and Cincy . i'd love to know what all of you are reading. :)
@>-->>---
Monday, September 11, 2006
anniversary
my parents celebrated their anniversary this past weekend. the story is that my dad asked mom to marry him after one month. she apparently said no the first time he asked. but they were married almost exactly one year after they first met, thirty three years ago.
"how did you know, after one month, that you wanted to marry her?" i asked him recently.
"i don't remember!" he says. "i guess because she was nice to me."
that seemed simple enough.
later in the day, however, while he, my mom, and i were driving somewhere, he said to me, "i remember now. it's because your mom was a hottie!"
she turned to look at him innocently. "i was?" she asked.
it seems like a small miracle occurs when you meet someone and decide that you want to spend the rest of your life with that person. it seems like a bigger miracle when you actually make it through thirty three years together, having brought children into the world and watched them grow into adults, having witnessed births and deaths in your families, seeing career changes, living through sickness and health, and still enjoying your favorite restaurants, your quiet nights at home, the moments you still laugh at each other's cheesy jokes. it's thirty three years of life, entangled with love.
muchas felicidades a mis papás. que sigan disfrutando de la vida y del amor.
@>-->>---
Sunday, September 03, 2006
"porque le gusta bailar cumbia..."
one of my dad's cousins celebrated his 70th birthday this weekend. to honor this milestone, his children organized a surprise birthday party last night. there were balloons and candy. catered mexican food and cake. amidst blue and gold balloons, a DJ that played rancheras.
after we had all wished the birthday boy well and eaten our fill, the DJ played a special song for my dad's cousin and his wife. after another ballad, the DJ transitioned into an upbeat cumbia.
now, i love to dance cumbia. LOVE. but had no partner. and besides, there was only one girl dancing with one of her uncles.
then he played a selena cumbia. more women got up to dance, and i thought, i can dance with them. one of my dad's cousins, who was sitting at my table, looked at me and said, "let's go!"
so we stepped and twirled under the low lights and amid the artificial smoke the DJ stand was producing.
back to back selena cumbias and there were all kinds of women on the dance floor, ranging in age from four years old to late fifties. all whooping and hollering and having a blast to bidi bidi bom bom.
the DJ switched to some 70s funk, and many of us sat down to rest and drink water. probably realizing that he gathered the best crowd on the dance floor with cumbias, he started spinning more.
there weren't many more of those moments, however, when there were all women dancing together. husbands asked their wives, nieces asked their uncles, sisters asked their brothers to dance. even my parents were out on the dance floor for a song or two.
all the coupling, of course, made me miss my boyfriend. but, bless his heart, he is still honing his dance skills. i really missed olga, my ex-roommate, who is my tried and true favorite cumbia dance partner.
so i sat through most of the remainder of the evening, tapping my fingers on the table to the cumbia rhythms and tucking my feet under my white plastic chair. i found myself admiring the couples on the dance floor, marveling at the grace that comes with dancing with the same dance partner for thirty years, and imagining that, in twenty more years, that could be me. maybe dancing more slowly, wearing not such high heels, but still enjoying el bailar cumbia.
@>-->>---
after we had all wished the birthday boy well and eaten our fill, the DJ played a special song for my dad's cousin and his wife. after another ballad, the DJ transitioned into an upbeat cumbia.
now, i love to dance cumbia. LOVE. but had no partner. and besides, there was only one girl dancing with one of her uncles.
then he played a selena cumbia. more women got up to dance, and i thought, i can dance with them. one of my dad's cousins, who was sitting at my table, looked at me and said, "let's go!"
so we stepped and twirled under the low lights and amid the artificial smoke the DJ stand was producing.
back to back selena cumbias and there were all kinds of women on the dance floor, ranging in age from four years old to late fifties. all whooping and hollering and having a blast to bidi bidi bom bom.
the DJ switched to some 70s funk, and many of us sat down to rest and drink water. probably realizing that he gathered the best crowd on the dance floor with cumbias, he started spinning more.
there weren't many more of those moments, however, when there were all women dancing together. husbands asked their wives, nieces asked their uncles, sisters asked their brothers to dance. even my parents were out on the dance floor for a song or two.
all the coupling, of course, made me miss my boyfriend. but, bless his heart, he is still honing his dance skills. i really missed olga, my ex-roommate, who is my tried and true favorite cumbia dance partner.
so i sat through most of the remainder of the evening, tapping my fingers on the table to the cumbia rhythms and tucking my feet under my white plastic chair. i found myself admiring the couples on the dance floor, marveling at the grace that comes with dancing with the same dance partner for thirty years, and imagining that, in twenty more years, that could be me. maybe dancing more slowly, wearing not such high heels, but still enjoying el bailar cumbia.
@>-->>---
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