a lenten reflection

last year i gave up red meat for lent. it was a minor sacrifice. other years i have given up cookies, sweets, etc. they've mostly been food items, now that i think about it. they always feel like small inconveniences during the lenten period.

it's my understanding that these sacrifices (or small inconveniences) are supposed to make a person reflect on what it means to do without. i think that the act of giving something up is also meant to serve as a kind of atonement for sins that we feel we have committed (ways that we have behaved badly over the past year).

i have to confess that many years, lent has served as a kind of "diet" rather than a time for true spiritual reflection.

this year, i'm not giving anything up (except, of course, for requisite meat-free fridays). instead i'm going to try to attend extra masses and other kinds of spiritually reflective exercises. i hope that it serves less as a diet and more as a way to slow down and reflect on my life direction and ways that i can attempt to be a better human being.

a ver como me va.

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cinco cosas

la rebelde tagged me with this one. it was hard to think of things that people don't already know about me. i'm kind of an open book. this public blog probably indicates the openness of my life's book.

but! here goes (by the way, i'm writing this instead of an article that i should be working on):

1. i've had one black eye in my life. it was sometime during my early years of elementary school. my cousin vicky was a tomboy; she loved to be outside, climbing trees, running around. i was more of the stay-inside, nerdy, bookish type. she wanted to go out and play, and i wanted to stay inside and read my book. she tried to take my book away, i held on, a struggle ensued, and i came out with a black eye.

2. from second through sixth grade i was a serious competitor in the local catholic schools annual spelling bee. i won first place in second and third grade. in fourth and fifth, i came in second to bernadette r., who attended a rival school. in sixth grade, we were--again--the last two standing at the spelling bee. and i beat her. she missed the word "craftsmen."

3. my favorite kind of sandwich growing up was banana and mayonnaise. it was my mom's invention. i think that she had it once when she was growing up, and thought that i might like it. and i did! i haven't tried it in years, but it still sounds appealing to me.

4. my secret dream is to become a mariachi singer. but i don't know the words to many of the rancheras that i love. so this dream would take some work. and shouldn't dreams, by nature, not entail work?

5. my latest favorite TV show is everwood. it has been following the gilmore girls in syndication on abc family. almost every episode makes me cry. but i'm kind of a crybaby, so maybe that's not too surprising.

kind of random, but there you have it.

i tag joseph! let's see if he can come up with five things i don't know about him. ;)

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accidental paparazzo

accidental paparazzo
Originally uploaded by lamusa.

yesterday i decided to break away from the IE and meet up with a couple of girlfriends in LA. they took me to check out the shops and such around silver lake. it seemed kind of like a hipster part of town with lots of funky shops and restaurants. it reminded me a lot of austin actually.

we were perusing the silver lake cheese shop, and i was looking for subjects for my project 365 endeavor. i took a pic of cheese and a random sign before i decided to snap a picture of these cute little girls keeping company with their dogs.

a few minutes later, k. and v. came out of the cheese shop, and we started to make our way to the next store when, all of sudden, dr. alex korev of grey's anatomy fame crossed in front of us! he was taller and skinnier than he is on television, but it was definitely korev.

i blinked a few times as he called these two little girls--his daughters!--to go with him to the next shop. i was still clutching my camera in one hand, and he turned and looked at me (i was trying, probably unsuccessfully, not to stare). i could have sworn that he saw my camera and hurried his daughters into the next store.

i didn't mean to be a paparazzo, i promise!

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silent poetry reading

olga's most recent post reminded me that today is the second annual brigid in cyberspace poetry reading.

i chose the following poem by Teresa Acosta because i relate to the poem's protagonist. those of you who know me know that i love to dance, and, though my tacones are not always the most comfortable, a good baile is always worth it.

"Tacones"

Epiphemia mentions that
her tacones are worn sheer through
the core.
She rubs her palms against them, feeling
their rough edges,
their protruding nails.

Pero no hay porque temer.
Epiphemia will still make it to the baile. She has
a lot more pairs del Payless in her closet.

She thinks instead
about the new Little Joe CD
and the weekend debut
of his nuevo hits.
Her tacones will mark their beat on the dance floor,
doing neither the flamenco
nor the folklorico.

Instead
she'll pound the tacuachito across its length and width
this Saturday night.
For her tacones are primed to grip the floor.
They will slide and ride the fine thread that strings
los meros meros together.

Field to field.

-Teresa Palomo Acosta

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january come and gone

the first month of the year has flown by. i like that these pictures tell me where i've been and what i have been doing all month.

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teaching worries

this afternoon i picked up a large yellow envelope marked CONFIDENTIAL from my faculty mailbox. the return address indicated that it had been sent to me by the vice provost.

my faculty chair caught me as i was walking out of the office and remarked, motioning to the yet unopened envelope, that i was the first person to receive her teaching evaluations from last quarter.

"you did very well!" he said.

i was a little surprised since the letter said "confidential" and all, but it's logical that he--my boss--should also receive a copy of the evals.

usually, i wait until i'm in a room all by myself to open the envelope holding my teaching evaluations, but, since i'd already be pre-judged, i opened them as i was walking up the stairwell to my office.

he's right. i did well.

i'm always paranoid about evaluations, because inevitably there will be some student who will say that you are disorganized or that you talk too much or are an unfair grader or that you are a narcissist. (everyone gets those comments, right?).

these comments weren't bad. one students did remark that i say "ummmmmm" too much. hmph.

in any event, these evaluations come at a good time for me. i'm having a hard time teaching this quarter. it's a new class for me, and i have been feeling a bit like i'm floundering to make my most basic points. and i have yet to be able to fill an entire hour and a half time period (except for today, because, mercifully, i was able to show a film).

hopefully the ego boost will help. or, ummmmmmmm, maybe not.

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i am rewarded for a fit of procrastination

this evening i have been obediently reading for class tomorrow, but must confess that i have taken frequent breaks. one of those breaks was to turn on the golden globe awards just within moments of américa ferrera accepting the award for best actress in a television comedy/musical.

honestly, i hadn't paid much attention to the golden globes this year. i hadn't even realized that américa had been nominated. but when i heard her name along with felicity huffman, julia louise dreyfuss, and a couple of other seasoned actresses, i just crossed my fingers and said a quick, "please, please please." and she won!

i'm thrilled for her. i think that she is a beautiful young woman and a talented actress. i love the roles that she has chosen, and i love that she is role model of intelligence and beauty for latinas and all young women within the realm of popular culture.

hooray for betty!

now back to work!

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afternoon drama

as a single woman, when choosing a place to live, i try to be careful. i ask around for neighborhoods that are "quiet" and "safe." i want to feel at ease in my neighborhood, in the place where i make my home, even if the rent is a little more expensive. i don't want to be a woman who feels she has to sleep with one eye open, so to speak.

i felt satisfied with my choice here in southern california. i felt like i had done sufficient research about this neighborhood, which is, conveniently, within two miles of where i work. i have felt at ease here by myself.

until this afternoon. i was stopped at the intersection before the turnoff into my apartment complex and noticed a police car tearing into my parking lot. since i was on my way home, i didn't have much of a choice but to follow him.

the police car and two other unmarked police vehicles were parked within 500 yards of my parking space. i saw one cop pull on his bullet proof vest and the other two hovering around the corner of one of the buildings in my complex. as i got out of my car and headed to my apartment--which was, thankfully, in the opposite direction--i turned around and noticed the officer with his hand on his holster, peering around the corner of the apartment.

i rushed into my apartment and deadbolted the door, curled up on my couch, and talked to joseph (we'd been talking on the phone throughout this whole ordeal). after a while, i ventured out onto my balcony and saw one of the police officers take his vest off, get in his SUV, and leave.

i let out a sigh of relief and returned to the comfort of my solitary and safe couch.

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well-documented

i didn't really make any new year's resolutions this year. of course, along with the rest of america, i vowed to eat better and exercise more. i identified some other things that i have to do to move further along in my professional career, but i'm not sure if those are "resolutions," or just things that i have to do to keep my job!

a few weeks ago, i came across this blogsite. i'm not a photographer (my dad holds that honor in our family), but i do like to document events in my life. i've kept a journal religiously since i was sixteen years old. i've kept this blog--not as religiously--partially to document my thoughts over a period of time. project 365 seems like a natural extension of this instinct to document parts of my life. this time through pictures.

i am now obediently carrying my camera around wherever i go just in case a kodak moment presents itself. aside from my obvious limitations as a photographer, i have encountered two major problems. the first is that i find that i am shy to take pictures of people, in front of people, etc. the second problem is subject matter! what is photographically relevant? since i still don't have much of a social network here (read: very few friends), i find myself searching for inaminate objects to photograph. i wonder if that will become boring after a while. i wonder if it already is! but they are supposedly representative of some aspect of my life...

in any event, i've been posting pictures on flickr every day so far (only five days, i know!). it'll be interesting to see what pictures emerge over the next several weeks.

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new quarter

after a very restful and rejuvenating christmas break in bakersfield, today i found myself scrambling to prepare for the new quarter.

i suppose it's a good thing i didn't resolve not to procrastinate this year!

i'm nervous because i'll be teaching a new course this quarter. when i was at texas, i taught the same two courses over and over again. they were lower division courses that weren't necessarily the first choices for faculty members to teach. as a grad student and then as a lecturer, i was happy to teach them, and, after some time, i think that i got pretty good at teaching them. i had all my materials assembled, my lectures ready, all of which i updated as needed.

last quarter, my chair allowed me to teach one of the courses that i had taught so many times at texas. it was his way of helping me transition to my new university.

but now i find myself in the middle of something new. i'm excited to teach a different course, but i find that i'm not nearly as confident as i had been over the past few years. surely part of this nervousness stems from the fact that i'll have to write completely new lectures this quarter even as i gather new materials for instruction.

another, more familiar, part of my anxiety is becoming accustomed to a new group of students. i always worry that they'll be unfriendly, which seems like a silly worry, especially since i am, after all, their teacher. they should be worried that i'll be unfriendly, right?

in any event, tomorrow is the first day of school. wish me luck.

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feliz navidad desde bakersfield

merry christmas
Originally uploaded by lamusa.

drive

i took an old drive last weekend. that is, i took a drive that i used to make several times a year during a certain period of my life. east on seventh standard to the I-5; north on the five one hundred and seventy miles; west on the 152 through the mountains; north on the 101 all the way to the bay.

that was my route to and from the bay area from 1993-1999. i knew those roads like the back of my hand--every truck stop, patches of agriculture, every mountain pass, reservoir, traffic spots, etc. i used to make mix tapes that would fill the hours of my trip. i used to arrive at my destination hoarse from singing the entire way.

i used to enjoy those drives, the time that it gave me to think.

i stopped driving those kinds of long distances once i moved to texas. i didn't have family that i would drive to visit. there were trips to the valley, but those were few and far between. most of my traveling was by plane. the brief and halting flights and layovers from austin to bakersfield never held the same rhythm or inspired the same kind of meditation as my long drives. it probably has something to do with seeing the landscape, now that i think about it.

in any event, i found myself making a long drive last weekend. i had forgotten how tiring it can be in the car, how your eyes grow weary, your shoulders stiffen, and your lower back begins to ache. then there is the helplessness you feel when traffic comes to a halt on the interstate because of an accident.

nevertheless, i found myself enjoying the drive. my mix tapes have yielded to a car adapter for my ipod, and now i can chat on my cell phone with joseph, but much of the experience is the same. there are the almond groves i remember on seventh standard; the seemingly miles and miles of cattle at harris ranch; the reservoir off of the 152; the old farm houses and farms along the way.

these are some of the things that i enjoy about being back in california--the land and the memories that it elicits. these are some of the things that i enjoy about being back home.

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forbidden fruit

one of the nice things about my university is that there are citrus trees all over campus. most of them are identifiably oranges or grapefruits, but some of them, unidentified.

saturday afternoon, i enlisted joseph--who was visiting for the weekend--to haul some boxes of books to my office. (yes, i do know how to exploit my boyfriend). on our way out, i noticed that the oranges on the tree behind my office building had ripened to a deep orange color. i didn't even think about it, just reached out and plucked the fruit off the tree.

i offered it to joseph, telling him that it was probably de-licious, being fresh from the tree and all. he questioned a) whether it had been legal for me to pick it, and b) whether or not it would be suitable for consumption.

i decided to keep the orange for myself and packed him a trader joe's orange when he left for the airport the next day. i ate the orange later in the afternoon. it was pretty good, but not the best orange i've ever had.

anyhow, yesterday i participated in a tour of campus for new faculty. our tour guide made a special point to highlight all the citrus trees around campus, telling us that, prior to the 1950s, the university was a citrus experiment station. she informed us that the university still performs such operations, and that all of the trees on campus are filled with "experimental" fruit. furthermore, the university apparently fines people hundreds of dollars for picking its fruit!

i'm thinking that a) it's a good thing nobody saw me, and b) it's a good thing i haven't (thus far) experienced any side effects from the experimental fruit!

in any event, i can't help but think it interesting that all of a sudden i find myself to be a woman who has partaken of forbidden fruit. ;)

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bare feet

i stole this video idea from la xicanista.

THIS is the shakira whose songs i sang at the top of my lungs during my drives from stanford to bakersfield and back during the mid-1990s. before her cross over.



notice that her hair is long. and straight. and black. and she's fully clothed.

i have always loved this song. my favorite line is

las mujeres se casan siempre antes de treinta, si no vestirán santos aunque así no lo quieran.

ten years ago, who could have predicted that i would be an unmarried mujer de treinta (y uno)?

i still haven't crossed over. ;)

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'tis the season

it always amazes me that just as thanksgiving weekend slips by, christmas suddenly appears.

though winter is somewhat of a fiction in southern california, i returned to find christmas lights and trees and wreaths decking every corner. it's nice that christmas is finally settling in to town. the past few weeks as the sun sets earlier and earlier, and the day hours become darker, i've felt considerably less productive. i've just wanted to come straight home from the office, put on my sweats, make a hot dinner, and cozy up on the couch to talk to joseph or watch primetime (he knows which shows not to interrupt!).

nevertheless, though i had imagined the quarter coming to a quiet winter end, it seems to be becoming more frantic. the last two weeks of the quarter are, apparently, when committees convene for one last meeting and all the departments and centers decide to host holiday potlucks (why doesn't anybody cater?). my schedule is more full now than it has been during most of the quarter.

but it's just a matter of getting through all of the last minute frenzy. soon the quarter will be over, and the students will depart. i will submit my grades and make my own northern departure. i'll have some work to do--planning next quarter's class, working on an article revision--but i hope to spend a lot of time with my family and friends. much more than festive decorations, meetings, or potlucks, that time is what makes christmas matter for me.

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hope for future ph.d.s

joseph sent this article to me this morning.

i enjoyed this piece, because the author addresses the following misconceptions about ph.d.s:

* Ph.D.s are unemployed and can't get jobs.
* Ph.D.s are chronically underpaid.
* There are far more Ph.D.s out there than faculty jobs for them.
* The Ph.D. degree is so specialized that you can't get any other kind of job.
* It costs a fortune to get a Ph.D.
* It takes forever to get a Ph.D.

i have to admit that i had resigned myself to the truth of some of these myths, telling myself that the degree was worth the underemployment risk because a) i love to teach, b) i enjoy my research, and c) i like the flexibility of a professor's schedule.

in fact, the biggest misconception that the author addresses is that ph.d.s are hard pressed to find a job. however, according to the article, it might be better to say that it is a challenge to find a job in the academy. there are other job prospects for ph.d.s in industry (e.g., consulting, nonprofit work, research) that, in fact, pay higher salaries than their university employer counterparts.

although i feel incredibly lucky to have my tenure track job, this article makes me feel as if it wouldn't have been the end of the world had i been forced to work outside of the academy. and just in case, in seven years, if i'm not granted tenure, maybe i'll end up with a pay raise. ;)

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weekend frenzy

the san jose airport seems as if it has grown out of its allotted space.

the security lines are one long snake. the terminals are couched with mini-restaurants on one side and rows of grey seats on the other, providing only the most essential three foot space to maneuver carry on luggage to the appropriate terminal.

the afternoon sun shines blindingly through the terminal windows. the flight is delayed.

every year i go to this anthropology meeting, knowing that it is what i should do; it's a professional obligation. but i never feel as if anyone notices whether or not i'm there. thousands of anthropologists descend upon the conference city, the conference site. i would say that the presence of most people goes unnoticed, unless, of course, you are an academic superstar.

in recent years, i had been on the job market, which, let me say, made the anthropology meetings much less fun. as a job seeker i had to be on my best behavior and in my best clothes, trying seem intelligent and self-assured when i felt nothing of the sort.

this year was actually quite nice. in terms of professional development, i was able to spend some time with one of my favorite UC anthropologists. i admire his work (and his attitude toward academia) so much. it's still difficult for me to imagine that now we're actually friends/colleagues. i was invited to present on a really great panel this year. there were a couple of "superstars" on the panel (not me; clearly, i'm still a "junior scholar"), and so it was pretty well attended. it was exciting to be in the middle of such a panel. and it seemed that the audience was very engaged, asked a lot of interested/interesting questions.

the other nice aspect of the weekend was that i was able to spend some time with old friends. obviously, there was a good showing of texas anthropologists; the annual anthropology conference functions, in part, as a class/departmental reunion. also, because this year's conference was in the bay area, i was able to spend some time with a couple of old college friends and then the weekend with my sister and her new husband.

the fact that i was able to squeeze in some cumbia dancing inbetween all of that was like the cherry on top. ;)

at the san jose airport, i know that my weekend has come to an end.

southwest does its cattle call--members of groups A, B, C all file into whatever available seats they can find. i settle into an empty seat between two women. we don't attempt conversation. just spend the 45 minute flight reading and writing. before i know it we have started our descent into ontario.

i read somewhere once that the sunsets in heavily polluted areas are beautiful because of the way the pollution filters the waning light. i remember this tidbit of information as i look out the window and see a ribbon of burgundy at the hoizon, pumpkin shades of orange above that, pale yellows, and then the slightest hint of green before the blue of twilight.

the plane touches down y me persigno, grateful for my safe arrival.

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neither here nor there

this is interesting...

You're totally like 58% California!

 

Hmmm... you have some definite memories of this place... maybe you were born here but moved away as a child. Or you live in Fontana. Whatever. Come back someday!

How California are You?

i guess i'm more texan than californian?

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tejana?

i'm actually a little embarrassed that i didn't score higher on this test.

You are 80% REAL Texan!!

 

You're way more Texan than average. You're parents were probably from here too. We're glad to have you. You probably go to the border for Christmas shopping and are well versed in BBQ, Mexican Food and .. well thats pretty much it.

How Texan Are You?

my girlfriends, olga and laura, both scored more texan than i did! i'm not worthy of their tejana company. :(

and let's not mention it to my sixth generation texan boyfriend!

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november falling

november is typically my favorite month. i enjoy the fall, even though i've always lived in places where autumn feels more like "summer light."

if i'm very honest, i think that i enjoy november because it's my birthday month. who doesn't enjoy their own personal holiday? even if it does mean another candle on the birthday cake (or, in my case, birthday torte).

but this year it's all gone by too quickly. i spent the days leading up to my birthday doing a "best of," whirlwind tour of austin with my friends while also writing a conference paper.

ten days later (today), i find myself preparing for another departure. same conference paper, different conference. this one in san jose.

i'll come back sunday and then fly to san jose AGAIN on wednesday so that i can spend thanksgiving with my family in northern california this year.

then the fall is over. and there will be two weeks left of classes, and, all of a sudden, my first quarter as a professor will have ended.

that was quick! just blink, and it's passed. kind of makes me nervous for the other things that might be passing me by!

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