Sunday, January 15, 2006

feeling sorry for myself

i got an email from a good friend the other day. he has an upcoming job interview at a university in california and wanted to ask for my advice.

as i read the email, i felt like someone had kicked me in the gut. i also applied for this position. the fact that the department contacted him for an interview means that they *didn't* contact me.

my friend, l, described this feeling best: you are truly happy for the person's good fortune but also feel like you might choke on your own jealousy. it was one of those moments.

this university is in california, just a two and a half hour drive from bakersfield. it is one of the most beautiful campuses in california, on the beach. it is a research university with an extremely vibrant and active chicano/a student community. and the faculty in the department is amazing. it is, in short, my dream job.

honestly, i would prefer that my good friend get this job over any one else. my dream might as well belong to someone i like, right?

@>-->>---

5 comments:

Joel said...

idk, my initial reaction would be similar to yours, "I guess if I can't get the job I want my friend to..."
But after thinking about it, I'd have to say that deep down I wouldn't want them to get the job... I know it sounds bad, but imagine having to interact with that person knowing that they're at YOUR job... no thanks.

jennifer said...

hey joel, you're not helping!!!!

Joel said...

lol, I know... sorry. After I wrote my comment I realized while honest, it's probably not what you wanted to hear.

I can see why you would want to go to that school, but in your position I think part of me wouldn't mind going to some far away school that's out of my comfrot zone... it's that middle america/cornfield school that doesn't have a big chicano/a student community that needs you more. you could have a bigger impact there... I'm sure everything will work out though, no matter where you end up.

under the red sky said...

The same has happened to me. Someone that I knew who was less qualified got the position that I also applied for. My intial reaction was much like yours. I think it's just a natural reaction to a stressful situation. Don't worry I'm sure something will come up. Have you applied to CSUB or Fresno State? They are always looking for homegrown minds. Those two schools are no Pepperdine (is that the school you were talking about?) but a start is a start.

jennifer said...

no... it wasn't pepperdine. but you guys are right about the state schools. or the middle of the cornfield schools. i'm sure i'll end up where i'm supposed to be next year.