graduation

i am standing in the wings, chatting nervously to the graduates around me. when did you defend? what department? are you on the job market.

small talk that cannot come to fruition because in minutes we will be crossing the stage. we will be hooded. we will receive diplomas (well, fake diplomas for the day).

i wear the traditional doctoral garb. a black, flowing graduation robe with black velvet paneling. a velvet "tam," which looks like a cross between a french beret and a chef's hat. my blue, orange and white hood is draped across my right arm. i clutch my name card (with the phonetic pronunciation of my last name) in my left hand.

a woman scurries by to make sure that our hoods are folded and draped appropriately. another woman briskly walks by the line, emphasizing that our name cards need to be in our LEFT hands.

the line moves along. i am on deck. when it is my turn, a woman gently pushes me forward. i give my name card to one person, then hand my hood to a white-haired man with bloodshot eyes. he, in turn, hands it to someone else. i hear my name, am relieved when the emcee pronounces my last name correctly. i move in front of the the assistant dean of the college of liberal arts--who happens to be one of my committee members, a friend--and face the stage. i feel my entire body exhale as the dean places the hood around my neck.

a series of hand shakes. the dean. the vice-provost. the guy handing out fake diplomas. my last hand shake actually pulls me off stage, and i am ushered into the wings again. a hug from a familar face. i am ushered into pictures. stand here. turn this way. behind this texas background. behind that plain one. i am ushered back into the auditorium and hugged by the woman who processed my paperwork the day before.

i see my family--dad, mom, sister, brother. friends from california who have flown in for the occasion. friends from texas who've become like family. they are waving. smiling. taking pictures. i walk to my seat, grinning like an idiot, in my jaunty tam and billowing graduation frock. and it's just one of those moments. one of those perfect moments when everything seems full and right.

@>-->>---