will i ever finish my dissertation???

the diss trajectory:

october 2003. santa barbara, ca. begin to write. produce very rough drafts of four chapters over five months.

late february 2004. receive the final of many job and fellowship rejection letters. fall into a pit of despair. eat chocolate chip cookies, drink coffee, and visit the ocean to feel better. stop writing.

march 2004. austin, texas. am encouraged to postpone my graduation another year. to slow down, regroup, etc. i stop feeling guilty for not writing.

summer 2004. various cities in mexico and bakersfield, ca. dissertation thoughts accompany me through my travels. it nags me mildly. i ignore it. do not write a word. i am defiant.

fall 2005. austin, texas. am prepared to write the last chapter of my dissertation--the big *theory* chapter. write pages and pages. keep some, scrap some. i apply for jobs and postdocs again. i teach mexican american culture to an unsuspecting group of anglo kids from small towns in texas. by the semester's end i have about 25 pages, but am utterly unsatisfied with all of it. decide (or rather, reconfirm) that i hate theory.

christmas break 2005. bakersfield, ca. one month reprieve from writing.

mid-january--mid-march 2005. austin, texas. decide to throw away the "theory chapter." will instead write a "theory essay" and place it, with great care, into my introduction. more writing and throwing away pages. my ideas are terrible and brilliant and then terrible again.

late march 2005. one evening at quack's coffeeshop, i finish the theory essay. it is not brilliant, but coherent. i realize that i am probably a month too late to finish in time for a may graduation. self-loathing and regret ensue.

april 2004. my advisor confirms the human impossibility of finishing this diss for a may graduation. another trip to the pit of despair. i try to keep writing. not extremely motivated.

may-july 2005. austin and bakersfield. i revise, rewrite, and create chapters. i declare that i am finished with all major writing.

august 2005. austin, texas. i am happy to line edit the diss. no more major work. i turn it in to my advisor at the end of the month.

mid-september 2005. my advisor and i meet. she has "minor" suggestions for revision. it should take me only a week or so.

a week or so later, i'm still making the "minor" changes, which include labeling my maps and graphs, checking my bibliographic references, making sure that i am consistent with my english/spanish translations, smoothing my transitions. i put off the less minor changes til the last--identifying major anthropological works to cite in my diss, cross-checking the legality of segregation, writing a brief analysis of contemporary race relations in la feria.

people keep congratulating me for "finishing" my diss, but seriously. i feel like i could be revising forever. like i'm getting closer and closer but never seem to arrive! it's like when you have a number and keep dividing it in half. the number gets smaller and smaller, but never approaches zero.

4/2=1
1/2=0.5
0.5/2=0.25
0.25/2=0.125
0.125/2=0.0625
0.0625/2=0.03125
0.03125/2=0.015625
0.015625/2=0.0078125
0.0078125/2=0.00390625
0.00390625/2=0.001953125
0.001953125/2=0.0009756525

infuriating, isn't it?

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